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TALKING TO MYSELF!

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There was a time when where I am, was the dream of where I wanted to be. There was also a time when who I am was my aspiration – I desired to think the way I think, do the things I do, and live the way I live. Back then, I was hungry for it – I wanted to be it – I wanted to live my dream. The crave to become what I wanted to be was uppermost in my heart. The only picture I saw was my dream. Bit by bit, I fought the odds of life and every limitation that held me bound. I worked on the slimmest opportunities I had, and where they were non-existent, I scratched the surfaces of rocks to get drops of water from within. On few occasions, I got a few cups that would keep me alive as I trod the deserts ahead of me. I walked the deserts. I walked through, and I saw the streetlights. For ages, I’ve been a street boy, but this wasn’t where I saw in my sleep – although, it feels somehow comfortable out here, but I’m tired sleeping rough. I’m about to go on another journey. I don’t know why it took me so long to realise I was on transit. This isn’t the place. This isn’t the destination. This isn’t the hope.

I’m dreaming again. I am hungry. I’m seriously famished. I’m honestly dehydrated. But the food that will satisfy my hunger isn’t here. The drink that’ll quench my thirst isn’t in this location. I’ve got to go. I’m ready for my flight. I dream of higher heights. I fear the mountains no more. No more fright of flight. I’ll soar far into the sky. I’ll sail in the biggest oceans. I’ll drive the longest distances. I’ll go on underground. I’ll not bother how the dark frightens. I’ll fight. I’ll reach my goal. I am hungry.

I shut my eyes. All I could see was hope. I travelled far in my imagination. I saw a better world. I imagined I was a president. I imagined everything I did was build lives instead of play pranks. I saw the boy from the ghetto given privileges, not different from that of a prince. But it was all in my head – my very imagination. I opened my eyes and told myself I wasn’t stupid. I know that life can be unequal, but definitely not in my dream. But dreams do come true.

I don’t go with the crowd. You won’t find me in the flow. Stop searching for me there. I read the lines. I make my conclusions. I sit with common sense daily. I challenge status quo. You don’t need to like me – neither do I need to like you. Let’s sit on the table – talk and change what we can. Take away emotions. The goal may be against you, but if it’s better that way, let it be. Life wasn’t designed for selfishness – it was made originally with a struck-balance. Let’s go back to Eden. I’m on my way back to Eden.

I’m not trying to inspire the whole world – I’m trying to inspire you. I’m not trying to win the world – I’m trying to win you. I’m not writing for the world – I’m writing for you. I’m not trying to be popular – I’m trying to be singular – just to get your attention. I can’t save the world, but I believe I can make efforts to save you. For your sake, I wake up early to get something that’ll make you know you’re special – something that’ll make you believe in your inner potentials. And so, if you’ve just read this, I’m simply talking about YOU!

I don’t count laurels. I have none to count – my cupboard is empty. I may have won some – I don’t remember – it’s not in my head. Maybe, I suffered memory loss.

 I’m not looking at the prize they said I won – I’m looking at what lies ahead. It’s a long road.

I don’t think I’ve achieved anything. To me, life has just begun. I’ll run like I just started the race. I’m hungry. I’ll fight to reach the next meal ahead of me.

I may not be able to walk on waters. I may not be able to raise the dead. I may not be able to feed five thousand. I obviously don’t have disciples. I don’t trend. I don’t go viral. But I’m okay putting a smile on one person’s face, and it’s probably you. If that’s all I can achieve, it’s fine, because it’s purpose fulfilled. You’re the reason I’m here. I won’t let you down.

I’m hungry again. Though in a cage, but I’m dying to eat again. One more time, I’m thirsty. I’m not fainting, but I’m painting – my mind is so full of graffiti. I see pictures, images of my own impressions of a new world. The films are rolling without projectors. The screen is so massive, persuasive – it gave everyone a chance to be, because life says they got to be. I’m not lying, and don’t even think I’m dying – I’m only seeing. Whatever, yes, whatever!

When life offers you no explanation why it’s been so mean to you, nor give you an answer to the simplest questions you ask, you’re so confused and feel your only response is to throw in the towel. I need to know why. Your seven horns on a head don’t scare me. You must come down here to see me. Come with the dictionary that was written pre-creation. It’s got all the words yet to be formed. Tell me why you think you don’t stand a chance. Tell me why you’re so jaded, faded, and look raided. While the clock still ticks, you said it’s all over. While you still breath, you said it’s all gone. Who lied to you? O gosh, I thought I was talking to you, but no, it’s to me. I’m beating the man within – the one who’s sliding into comatose. I’m not crazy, not confused – no hallucination, no delirium – I’m just caught in-between the heights of the tallest mountains – I’m bidding myself, push on.

There’s a war behind the façade – everyone’s got to fight. You can decide to push it to the next page – that’s the next generation, or you fight it now, and be a hero. Every victory you get makes the stage easier for those on the next page. For generations, our ancestors left the fight – they shoved it, and somehow, it stares us in the face. And what a pity, many of us are also shoving it, pushing it – we’re leaving it for our new born. We charge them to be warriors – what we never were. We tell them they can write their names in gold, but here we are, still alive, but with no courage to fight. We say we’re old, but that’s only in our heads. We’re hypocrites – telling the children everything is possible, while we daily hug impossibilities.

Rise up man, it’s time to go hungry again. Free yourself from the booby trap. Your place of purpose is your duty post – don’t abandon your duty post. Sometimes, things wouldn’t work out so quickly, and you’ll get frustrated – frustration most times, doesn’t mean you weren’t meant to be there – it’s just an indication that it’s tough because that’s your place. Don’t run away. Easy, doesn’t mean it’s yours – it may just be a way of making you walk through the shortcut so that you’ll miss out on the real deal that lies on the long road. So, stay put where you were born to be. I repeat, stay put where you were born to be. You’ll be mocked, but stay put. You’ll be beaten and bruised, but stay put. You’ll get fed up by the slow speed, and most times, things will appear not to be moving at all, but still stay put.

I’m talking to myself, not you!

 

 

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Ken is a leadership Motivation, Strategy and Personal Development Writer, Blogger and Speaker. He writes for a number of magazines and blogs. He is also a mentor and published author of several books.

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