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I have never lived with a father, so, I don’t know what it feels like to be mentored by one. I have never, as a child lived with an adult man, so, it’s difficult for me to know how a man handles his family. These were my challenges, as I began to raise my own family.

Before getting married, I made a promise to myself, that, whoever becomes my wife will receive unquantifiable love because I wanted to give something to someone that was never given to me. I also promised myself that, my children will have a sweet and caring father, in spite of the fact that I never had one. So when some experts make deadly conclusions that those from broken or no homes don’t do well in life, I do pity their myopic knowledge. What they do not understand is that if you are self motivated, your situation can be your inspiration to create a better world that you never had. As a suffering child, I stock into the barn of my head, the motto, ‘making life comfortable for all humanity’. Wherever that came from, I don’t know, but that is what has always rung in my brain since my teenage years.

As I got married, my desire to create a perfect home took a better part of my life. I didn’t realise that a home contains more than one person- and if there are more than one person, there are more than one suggestion, idea, opinion, and conclusion. Ignorantly, I would push my personal agenda. I was succeeding, until someone couldn’t take it anymore. Then, there was a ricochet!

After a period of stupid egocentrism, I began to look into myself to see who I really was. I realised that my motives were right but my tactics were wrong. Gradually, I started learning, but I must confess that I am not halfway the lessons, as I have discovered that most often, I still blow it. In blowing it, the emotional part of me begins to manifest.

Remember, my desire is to be the best husband and father, but on many occasions, I have concluded that I may probably be the worst. Sometime ago, I acted like a child, and was so angry with myself. I said to myself, ‘Ken, you didn’t disappoint anyone but yourself’, and I wept like a child.

For days, the guilt of my temperamental outburst overwhelmed me. I thought I had completely killed that demon of getting angry beyond measure. I didn’t see it coming; if I had, I know how to deal with it. But I wanted my children to understand the Mathematics topic, just like daddy; when they didn’t, I said what I shouldn’t have, and did what I shouldn’t have. Of course, she didn’t like it; you know who I mean!

As I felt guilty of my silliness, as little as you think it may be, I couldn’t focus on my vision. In short, I felt like, I wasn’t in the position to counsel anyone on how to raise children. When people asked me questions about patience, I would whimsically avoid it, even if I had wise answers to give. As this continued, I knew that I was killing myself; I needed to do something to get out of that mess. So, I began to talk to myself. I said to myself, ‘Ken, you may have been impatient with the situation, but that doesn’t make you an impatient man. Being impatient in one aspect of life does not mean that you’re impatient in every aspect of life. At least, it takes patience to be a writer; many people don’t write because they don’t have the patience to sit down and compile information. So, you’re not as impatient as you think’.

The reason for telling my personal story is because I want someone out there to pick himself or herself up. Everyone makes mistakes; it is not peculiar to you. Everyone on earth has missed it; you’re not the only one that has misfired. Even if we constantly preach that everyone should run on their lanes, many times, it is obvious that we have all crossed our lanes into other people’s. Sometimes, we have run miles on other people’s lanes before realising it, and sometimes, we have continued running without ever realising it. If you have to kill yourself because you made an error, you aren’t pleasing the people you’re trying to impress; death impresses no one except he’s a devil. So, stand up from your tear-soaked bed, take a walk, and say to yourself, ‘I’m a better man or a better woman because I have the courage to admit my wrong’. Some people never, but you did. Can’t you see how brave you are?

As you admit, take a second step; right your wrong. Stop focusing on those who hide their misdeeds and act like perfect people. Endeavour to, step by step, work on your weak ends. One principle that will help you deal with your weak ends is consciousness. Consciousness is awakening, awareness and alertness. Put guilt behind you, but put your weakness in front of you. Putting your weakness in front of you reminds you what you need to deal with. Don’t ever forget where you’re weak so that you will have the smartness to either deal with it or avoid it. Most weaknesses can’t be dealt with because they form part of our chemistry, but they can be avoided. Do everything to avoid what makes you cross the line of common sense. Do all you can to circumvent what drives you to act in unacceptable manners; yes, it is possible.

In conclusion, let me remind you the lyrics in one of Kenny Rogers’ songs, ‘Going Back to Alabama’. It says:

1. Going back to Alabama

Now that I’ve learned a thing or two

Life for me had been so easy

But I’ve got some livin’ yet to do

‘Cause a man who walks by the side of the road

Can turn himself around

He can pick himself up

And dust himself off

And start all over again

My friend….


2. Some days I didn’t wanna wake up in the mornin’
My family and friends were all down on me
I tried to tell ’em where I was goin’
But they never saw the man I saw in me

Some folks call me a dreamer
Other folks laughed and called me a fool
All I ever wanted to be was a winner
’cause I know a winner can never lose

‘Cause a man who walks by the side of the road

Can turn himself around

He can pick himself up

And dust himself off

And start all over again

My friend….

Thank you


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Ken is a leadership Motivation, Strategy and Personal Development Writer, Blogger and Speaker. He writes for a number of magazines and blogs. He is also a mentor and published author of several books.

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