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THE 10 PEOPLE YOU CAN’T HELP

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 I am a man of passion, and sometimes, my passion makes me cross many boundaries. “I see you have a great talent. If you eschew laziness, you’ll make a better person. Stop this silly indolence, and do something with your enviable life.” That was all I said. It was me seeing what he couldn’t see in himself that made me use those words – for I thought that by being a bit harsh, I could pull him out of idleness and make him run with purpose and vision. I was wrong! Instead, he sorted out “laziness” and “indolence” from my statement, and today, he no longer talks to me.

So many times as I grew from an “old baby” to a “middle-age man,” I have made mistakes of assuming that everyone wants to grow beyond where they are, and become better, but different occurrences, as they unfold have made me, especially of recent, seal my lips. As I get emails or receive inbox messages from a handful of people that follow my blogs and social media updates, asking for advice in the areas I am slightly good at, I keep realising that some people are time wasters – they think success is achieved through wearing designer clothes, or through some non-sacrificial peripheral actions. They don’t understand that those who made it to the stage, died backstage to be able to come up with what will sell on stage. Of recent, when people ask for my advice on issues, and I know it’s something I have done an article on, rather than start chatting like a parrot, I refer them to my blog, to read a few articles, and then come back for a talk. From my experiences, not more than one or two have come back, because they never read the articles at all. What help can you possibly render to a person unwilling to invest five to ten minutes of his time for a solution on something he calls a problem! There are people you can’t help, even if you were God, you wouldn’t be able to help them, and for this, I came up with the personalities of people you can’t help.

1. Mentally lazy people: mentally lazy people aren’t short of ideas, but their major problem is getting up to execute the plans. Some of the best people to get good ideas from, are those who do nothing – mind you, I didn’t say those who say nothing. Seal, in one of his songs said loneliness is a killer, but I say laziness is a killer. The best plans in the world can’t make you, if you don’t get up and work on them.

2. Those who procrastinate: close to laziness is procrastination – it’s delaying to take action – saying I will do it, without doing it – refusing to act on a plan while at the same time saying it will be acted upon.

There are people I have stopped encouraging to do what they should encourage themselves to do. I got tired because they always promised to do things that for years, they still haven’t done – yet, they can spend useful man hour doing things of sparse values. How else can you help a person that you’ve challenged over the years to step up his values, because you know he’s better than where he is, and he keeps saying I will, but never does? What can you do? Absolutely nothing!

3. People with set minds: I have seen builders mix cement, sand and water. At the mixing stage, everything is soft and tender, but leave it until it’s set – that’s when you’ll know the true definition of rigidity. The only way you can get into pieces a set mix of cement, sand and water is to break it – it’s useless when broken. People with set minds are like that – their minds are rigid, and there’s no alternative solution that they’ll accept, because they have a conclusive mentality that their position is the only solution. Such people don’t probe, they don’t investigate, they don’t research in order to know or see the bigger picture. It’s impossible to help a person whose mind is set.

4. Those who think others are their problems: I have a lot of shortcomings – I know where I’m weak, I know where I’m strong. If my talent deceives you that I am perfect, my mind will not deceive me, and I’ll never allow it to. Sometimes, I have stared at my image in the mirror and cry, all because of my weaknesses. Sometimes, I have pinched myself to be sure I am still sensitive to my conscience. I do that regularly because one can be lost in talents, and assume that that is the perfection of life, but it’s not. In life, you must look inwards – you must look at your inner self – you must beat yourself when there’s a need to. I have seen many people, and I mean, many people, who don’t look at their inner pictures when things happen. No matter how conspicuous their errors are, in the issues at hand, they look for others to blame, and they think other people are the causes of their own failures – they never take responsibilities for their actions, but recriminate in order to feel more comfortable. How can you help those who always see other people as their problems? You may have tried to, in the past, but how much did you achieve?

5. Those who always want to be the game: there’s a premier league referee I dislike with a passion. My reason is because in most matches, he likes being the centre of attraction – he wants the headlines to be woven around him. What he does to achieve that is destroy great matches between great teams – he can target one of the teams by awarding red cards for what it shouldn’t be awarded for, and the following day, all the papers will be talking about him.

Some people want to be the pivot, and any topic or debate ends up with them being the hero – anyone who tries to change it becomes their lifetime enemy. Such people do things with hidden agendas – they don’t give without making a show of it. For them, it’s nothing goes for nothing.

6.  Very negative people: people who are very negative don’t see good in anything or people – rather than look for the positives, they only see the bad. If they step into a city they’ve not previously visited, the first thing they see is bad. When they meet people for the first time, they look out for everything wrong with those people, and as a result, they’re always on war paths with people, and are constantly having unhealthy relationships. Very negative people could be very bitter people, and there may be diverse reasons for their bitterness. Helping a very negative person is challenging, because you may end up in their bad book.

7. People who are too cold for comfort: people who are basically uninspired from within are difficult to help. People who are deflated from inside find it challenging to move themselves from where they are, to where they want to be. People who have walked the road many times, where they said there was diamond, but found nothing, can hardly be convinced to take another route where there’s actually diamond, because they don’t believe in anything anymore – they have been beaten so badly, that they don’t think the main answers are the real solutions.

8. Stupid people: people who don’t know, and admit they don’t know, in my opinion, are the wisest people on earth because they end up knowing. Those who don’t know, and in all honesty, don’t realise that they don’t know can be considered ignorant, and can be pardoned. But those who don’t know, and know that they don’t know, but keep putting up a defensive attitude with all their energy, pretending to know, in my opinion are the most stupid people on earth. Admission is half way to knowledge – when you don’t know and admit that you don’t, you’re halfway to knowing. What makes you great, what makes you stand out, is first, your attitude. Let’s be real to ourselves – you can’t help a stupid person.

9. The victims: there are people that, in spite of them being inflammatory, in their perceptions, they’re the victims. They stirred the dust, they made the volcano erupt, they caused the seism, yet, in their eyes, they’re the victims. They tore the roof open, without a justifiable cause, and made the house flooded. They incurred unnecessary expenses, and made everyone pay for it, but still claimed being victimised. They drove on the wrong lane, and crashed into cars and buildings, but in the end, they’re the victims, only in their own perceptions. Tell me, how can you help such people?

10. People who are never wrong: these are not victim-minded or stupid people – only that you can’t beat them in an argument, even when they are apparently wrong. They know everything, including subjects they’re unfamiliar with – they somehow twist it, just to make you feel they know it. The problem with such people is that because they don’t admit not knowing, they don’t remember to find out what they don’t know – it doesn’t go into their consciousness to research on unfamiliar topics, and so, they continue being ignorant until they get embarrassed.

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Ken is a leadership Motivation, Strategy and Personal Development Writer, Blogger and Speaker. He writes for a number of magazines and blogs. He is also a mentor and published author of several books.

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